Entire Senior Class Commits to University of Wisconsin-Madison

In a stunning announcement last Friday, senior class counselor Crystal Pace revealed that every single one of her students had committed to the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Class of 2029, with nearly two-thirds joining through the Posse scholarship program.

The school, a widely respected academic and athletic hub as well as a longtime favorite among Walls seniors, saw its popularity skyrocket this year as a disease known as Senioritis—whose symptoms include forgetting that other universities even exist—reached epidemic levels among students.

Indeed, many seniors struggled to name other universities. When asked what other schools she had considered, one senior simply responded, “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

Others, once reminded by underclassmen of their apparent amnesia, expressed panic. “I’m not sure how I ended up here. I just… I don’t know anymore,” another senior admitted.

Teachers, on the other hand, were thrilled with the class’s decision, given that Wisconsin only requires one letter of recommendation, typically from counselors.

“I have a lot more free time for making elaborate meals in my classroom,” said Humanities teacher Shakir Ghazi.

Calculus teacher Kristen Kelly shared a similar sentiment. “Without having to write so many recommendations, I’m finally able to pour more time into my one true passion: FRQs.”