Bacon Egg and Cheese Inflation Ravages Walls Community

To outsiders, School Without Walls’ success comes from the faculty and students. But insiders know the entire school is powered by one thing—the deli’s bacon, egg, and cheese (BEC). Some Walls students aren’t even aware there are other food options available. Recently, however, the unthinkable has happened: the BEC’s price has skyrocketed to $7.45. The sandwich, which was just $6.50 a few years ago, has now left the “cheap lunch” price range and entered the scary “not cheap but still less than Chipotle” zone.

The price increase has predictably sent Walls into chaos. “This is an outrage,” exclaimed one senior. “I used to have 4 BECs a week,” said the senior. “But now I can only afford 3. I’m at a loss on those 2 bacon, egg, and cheeseless days of the week. I spend lunch in silence, staring blankly into the distance.” While some students have been paralyzed by the so-called “BEC crisis,” others have turned their anger into action. Protests in front of the deli have become a daily occurrence. “BECs should be food for the common man,” one demonstrator’s sign read. The demonstrations have become so frequent that even President Donald Trump took notice. “The GW DELI is ROBBING the people of their bacon, egg, and cheeses! The deli is a DISGRACE and is a SOCIALIST ESTABLISHMENT,” Trump said in a post on Truth Social.

With deli prices still refusing to lower, Trump announced he would seize control of the deli and use his expertise to bring prices down. Joined by JD “Big Baby” Vance and Elon “I am become meme” Musk, Trump unveiled his plan to save the BEC in a press conference outside the deli. His genius plan? To make the deli’s suppliers pay a 25% tax on the goods they sell to the deli. “The deli’s suppliers will probably be so impressed by our strong tax that they’ll just start giving us stuff for free,” Trump reasoned. Shockingly, prices have only increased.